Being unsure is the worst thing
Well, to the hospital we went after another fall; have finished there and now at a rehab center. Physical therapist are a tough breed, but they swear they can help him so we are working at it. The one thing that a rehab center does not want is the spouse hanging around all the time, and he does do better at the therapy when I am not there. He knows I’m a sucker for his pain. They don’t even have a chair in the room, but of course that doesn’t prevent our rowdy crew of 10 from descending all at once. Where the Man goes, we go.
I cried crocodile tears to leave him at night the first time. I’ve never slept in our bed alone. I know they are all sick of us/me already, but I don’t care. It’s our life, and we are sworn to live it in the way we wish. They are hopeful that he will get strong enough to come home and get around. They have given me hope, where I had none.
It’s a strange feeling when you feel alone, but you are not. You don’t want to talk to others because you only want to talk about Him, yet when you talk about Him it is so emotional. Then, they worry about you which you don’t want. You have lost your closest confident because He is sick and you don’t want to worry him any more than he is already. Sometimes, I can’t help but cry like when he told me that I could just crawl up in his bed at the hospital and stay there and when I told him that I didn’t think we would both fit he said there was always room in his bed for me and always had been.
I fear his mind is slipping.